Zhangxiao

Wonderful piece from the Onion. News In Brief.

AUSTIN, TX—Reacting to news that independent outfit Shaker House Books had closed Monday, longtime customer Stephanie Brear said she couldn’t believe she “flushed seven years down the toilet” patronizing the local store. “I put so much time into supporting my quirky local bookshop, with its charming window displays and us-versus-the-world attitude, and for what?” said Brear, adding that she even went through the trouble of befriending the husband-and-wife owners and their cat, Ulysses. “Countless hours wasted quietly browsing their shelves when I could have just ordered this shit for way cheaper online.” Brear told reporters that the next time she needs gardening supplies, the little hardware store around the corner can go fuck itself, because she’s going to Home Depot.